is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
we should paint friendship bongs
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