tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
