i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
