Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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