mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize