Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
