Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
