i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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