remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Also, beer. Big fan.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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