im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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