If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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