i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
