just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
