I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
