I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
