i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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