Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
