forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
