We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
