Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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