I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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