I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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