He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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