Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
