Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
someone owes me an orgasm
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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