We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
