so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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