i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
