Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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