Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
