its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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