i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
