I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize