I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
