I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
