last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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