Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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