Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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