actually, I'm a sock model
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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