It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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