Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
