Hey man sorry I got all grabby
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize