i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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