if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
