I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
