He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
