Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
