i barfeds in our rink
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
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