If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
