Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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