OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
