Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
