Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
