I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The best revenge is premature balding
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
