I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize