ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
