My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
