3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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