I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
