I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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