I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
