I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
