I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
We named our party play list daddy issues
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
