you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
