So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
