I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Too much gin, very little bucket
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
