god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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