So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
