It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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