I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
